There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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