So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize