I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
