Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize