he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couch. On fire.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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