and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
