My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
