i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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