My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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