You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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