i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
