He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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