went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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