i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
