When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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