If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
