ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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