I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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