I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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