You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize