i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
