I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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