She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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