Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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