Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
