this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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