Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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