omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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