i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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