I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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