I'm gonna have a badass scar
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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