And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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