so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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