you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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