You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize