I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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