This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize