TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
