So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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