Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
