My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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