I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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