Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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