He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day