he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance