The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life