Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.