you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I still have a little drunk in my system
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?