I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
