WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
