My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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