It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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