I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize