Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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